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A mission [11 Jun 2004|07:11pm]
[ mood | determined ]

Today's goth scene is so much different than even a few years ago.

Your Mission: Pull up the oldest goth-related site you can find, and post it in my comments
19 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

"I lean backwards inside of me..." [05 Jun 2004|09:29pm]
[ mood | excited ]

And so my adventures here in Mississippi continue.

I went shopping today with my aunt and grandmother. First, we went to this bargain-type store. I swear, I searched forever for a decent pair of black pants and came up empty-handed. Ah, pants. The bane of my existance. Always being too long, awkwardly-fitting, or just plain unflattering. Apparently, trouser experts take "petite" to mean "short and stout", because everything was too big in some area or other. Some people complain about being overweight, but damnit, they sure as hell have an easier time finding pants than I do.

After the unsuccessful trip to the bargain store, we went into town and stopped by some more interesting bohemian stores. They had all sorts of mystical things (many of which I'm sure Sage would just love), including crystal balls, incense, zodiac things, crystals, tarot related things, and a variety of spiritual objects. Did I mention how much having a $20 budget for this trip rots?

I'm especially excited about tomorrow, for tomorrow I venture into NEW ORLEANS! I'm so giddy. =D It's one of the top places I'd like to live when I move out. I can't wait. =)

11 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Nuttier than a fruitcake...fruitier, too. [04 Jun 2004|11:33am]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]

Well here I am visiting my uncle, aunt, and cousins in Mississippi. So far, so good. I wasn't particularly fond of the plane trip, but eh.

I did have fun waking up at 3 a.m. to go to the airport, though...it was great. Just driving around that early, listening to classical music. I think if I ever get a car, it's sole purpose will simply be to drive around during the wee hours of the morning for no particular reason at all. I could see myself waking up at 1 a.m., dressing to the nines like I'm going to a big Hollywood movie premier, and going for a drive. No one would ever see me in this state unless I happened to invite them along for the ride (I'm sure most people would much rather be sleeping). It's notions like these that make me believe I should be in a nuthouse. But that would be no fun. You can't dress up like a classy Snooty Van Snoot socialite and go driving around at 1 a.m. in a nuthouse.

Speaking of doing strange things during the ungodly hours of the morning, I also wrote and mailed a letter to Raymond before I departed (I believe the envelope found it's way into the mailbox at exactly 3:15). During the last few days of school, Raymond and I had started speaking to eachother again. In an attempt to redeem myself for all my stupid past actions, I wrote to him explaining why I felt things turned out the way they did, and would he please forgive me. I'm sure when he reads it (as if the shock of just recieving the letter wouldn't be enough), he'll probably think I was drinking too much merlot, combined a mixture of Nyquill and Dayquill. But dammit, if this goes ignored, I'm going to have to bust a cap. =O

I'm also missing Gergely very much. I know his email is "colonoscopy bloopers" @yahoo.com, but is it all one word? Hyphenated, underscored? You let me know, Gergely. ; ) Comment! I have so much I'd like to tell you, like about how I'm going to New Orleans, the incredibly cute kitten living in this house (that we just got yesterday!), and about this book I'm reading called Chronicles of a Geisha that's really good. Szeretlek, my sunflower.

5 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Check out my 'doo! [31 May 2004|04:13pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Alright everybody...

New Hair A Go-Go!Collapse )

Keep in mind, this is still a work in progress...but so far, all is going according to plan. >=)

10 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

=O [30 May 2004|07:24pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Damien Mocata: How are you dear?
GlassgothEmily: Eh. Okay, I guess
GlassgothEmily: I went to Bell Tower with Jeff last Friday, and Ghost was there
GlassgothEmily: trying to lie his way out of fault, as usual
and the saga continues...Collapse )

Do you viddy what I viddy?

"It's such a perfect day...I'm glad I spent it with you..." [22 May 2004|08:18pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Whoo-hoo! My mom just gave me the OK to do with my hair as I please. If I can get Jesse to help me out, all you school people might be seeing me next week with a very interesting new 'do. ; )

I miss Gergely so much. =( He's so warm and soft and...and...alive. He's got such smooth, silky skin...and such loving eyes. And he holds me just right...he's my sunflower. My boi. My prince. My love. My sweetie. My butthole (hehe...inside joke). Szeretlek, Gergely. Fontos vagy nekem.

1 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

It was just too much [17 May 2004|07:17pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Shame on me. I've given in to temptation and created a batcave-themed rating community, batcaves_best. *ruler slap* Naughty Emily. But anywho...I need mods, and of course, members. So...feel free to apply. =P Trust me, it'll be fun.

4 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

El Oh El [16 May 2004|03:59pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

A HILARIOUS responseCollapse ) to my gothic personals ad.

26 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Emily and Gergely Goodness! [10 May 2004|05:46pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Here are a few pictures from when Gergely was here. Enjoy!

Me looking absolutely horrid, but happy because I have Hershey bars with almonds. =)

Juuuust Emily!

Gergely is so beautiful up close...

Eeew, vanity...=\

13 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Gergely's visit [09 May 2004|06:41pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Gergely's Visit

I met Gergely in the lobby of the nearby hotel he was staying at. After my pesky mom left us alone, we went on our merry way around town, stopping in Blockbuster Video to do nothing but stare at the Monty Python videos for 10 minutes, and then stopped in Mallratz only to immediately leave. As Gergely and I were walking, we saw a mailtruck. Having cultivated a taste for silliness, we began to chase it down the street shouting "ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!". Upon having caught up to the silly thing and discovering no ice cream, we went back to my house.

While in my room, all I wanted to do was kiss him, but at the time I was worried about Ghost. I shouldn't have been because he had become quite accomplished in cheating on me. Jerk. Anyway.... At the time, I didn't know that Ghost had cheated on me a second time. That was the only reason I was worried. After I found out what was going on from Jeff though, everything was pure wonderfulness with me and Gergely. I took him to see the performance I was in, and I think he liked it. =) My mom even let me skip school for the remainder of his visit (two days) so I could be with him.

Frikkin' A, it would have been so much more convenient if I could have documented all this as it occured. >=( *curses lack of home internet*


Do you viddy what I viddy?

*squeak* [12 Apr 2004|02:11pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Gergely is coming to visit in 5 days! XD

12 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

"Peace talkers and peace lovers are not the same as peacemakers..." [10 Apr 2004|01:47pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Well, yesterday was certainly more fun than a barrel of dead hookers. =D I had Jesse come over to hang out at my house, and she had me listen to her friend's band The Ieallogical Spoons. Very awesome. I especially liked the Peacemaker's song: "Peace talkers and peace lovers are not the same as peacemakers/Peacemakers are doers and all that they do is done in peace/Peacemakers not at peace with their maker do not make no peace".

We walked down to Mallratz and I bought her a shirt as a late birthday present, and we ended up talking to the store owner and his friends for awhile. Nice people.

After we got back to my house, we sort of chilled awhile, and then my mom took us to Bell Tower. I ended up seeing one of my friends who I haven't seen in literally years (since middle school) named Kim. Good times! And Ghost was there. =D Then I turn around, and Tim is there! It was like, a big orgy of people I like! XD We all ended up hanging out (with the exception of Tim, he and his girlfriend were on a double-date thingie with these other people).

We piled into Ghost's car and drove off to the Mobile station for gas and cigarettes. Ghost went in and emerged with cigarettes...and a little blue rose for me. =) Sweet? I think so. Just for fun, Ghost drove in all sorts of weird directions just to see if the other people in the car behind us (Austin and Jillian), Kim's friends, would follow us. They did. =P We got into an empty lot and drove in a huge circle a few times before we actually headed back to Bell Tower. As we were making a turn, some car nearly hit us. Ghost yelled "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!". A slight pause followed, and then we all started laughing and Kim pointed out to Ghost that he was still wearing my kitty ears I had lent to him earlier in the evening. XD

After the car had been safely parked, Jesse and Kim were looking through some pictures Ghost had taken, and suddenly Kim yells "I can see Emily's vagina!". Of course Jesse is all "Let me see! I wanna see Emily's vagina!" I chased her around and we squabbled over the picture until I gave up and just let her look. It wasn't really a picture of my vagina, just the time when Ghost tickled me and I fell to the ground, exposing my underwear. This picture has been confiscated. =P

Kim wantd ice cream, so our little amoebic blob of people moved towards the ice cream shop, when who should run out of T.G.I.Fridays but Kyle Anne and Sarah. =D I talked to them for about 2 minutes before I realized that Kim, Austin, and Jillian had disappeared. The remainder of the blob, that is, Jesse, Ghost and I, made our way to the ice cream shop, where Kim and Jillian had already gotten ice cream. Ghost and Jillian had to go and pick up Pablo, so they left and Me, Jesse, Kim, and Austin started to walk off, too. We passed this scoop of ice cream on the ground. Now, any reasonable person would have just left it alone, but of course Jesse had to go pick it up and start eating it. XD Seriously, she never passes up any kind of free food. Austin said that he had seen someone eating it who dropped it, and it was then picked up by another guy who licked it and dropped it, and then it rolled across the ground before Jesse came and picked it up. *giggle0rz*

As it turned out, Pablo cancelled his pick-up, so Ghost came back for me and we hung out some more. This continued until He, Kim, Austin, and Jillian went to go see a movie (the only reason Jesse and I didn't go was because my mom was coming to pick us up soon). And the fun of the night (or at least the excitement) pretty much died down after that. *yawn*

Time for me to sleep. Night-o.

Do you viddy what I viddy?

[28 Mar 2004|01:04pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I'm so sick of the drama. Both of my "families" keep breaking up. First there was the whole Ghost ordeal (which we've worked through...long story short, very small occurance, very big rumours). Now it's Lauren and Amanda...

Is it really so much to ask that everyone can be more or less happy for at least a short period of time? A time when everyone can get along and just have fun without anyone having to worry about "who said what about who"? It's like there's always some silly squabble going on. Granted, these little mud-slingings offer amusement and make life mildly interesting sometimes...but when everything keeps happening all at once (and things start to turn quite malicious), it's just a big, annoying thorn in the ass.

Anyway, on to recent events...I went to the Bell Tower last Friday and met up with Ghost, Cara, Hannah, and this guy Ace. Ghost and I have made amends, and things are going better now. We (Me, Ghost, and Ace) hung out in front of T.G.I. Fridays for about an hour waiting for Cara and Hannah to get back so we could all get a table and eat. After awhile, we called Melissa and she came over. Those present decided "Eh, fuck it, they're not coming back for awhile" and we all went and got a table anyway. No sooner had we done this, Hannah and Cara showed up. Cara ordered a bowl of cherries, and I tried one for the very first time. I liked it. =) We sat and conversed for a little while, until I got a call from my mom that she was coming to pick me up shortly. Since I never got a chance to before, I gave Ghost his birthday present (a big celtic-y charm with a red and black stone in the center that I've had for awhile, but just never wear), and said my goodbyes. I hope he liked it. =)

13 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Pictures [20 Mar 2004|06:37pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

Thought I'd put up a few pictures. =) I always feel good when I look good. >=)

You were never meant to belong to meCollapse )

23 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Gloomcookie [17 Mar 2004|06:28pm]

which Gloomcookie Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
5 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Crestfallen [17 Mar 2004|05:15pm]
[ mood | Hurting ]

"Crestfallen" - The Smashing Pumpkins

Who am I to need you when I'm down
Where are you when I need you around
Your life is not your own

And all I ask you
is for another chance
Another way around you
to live by circumstance, once again

Who am I to need you now
To ask you why to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me

And you may go, but I know you won't leave
Too many years built into memories
Your life is not your own

Who am I to need you now
To ask you why to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me

Who am I to you?
Along the way
I lost my faith

And as you were, you'll be again
To mold like clay, to break like dirt
To tear me uo in your sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me

Who am I?

I've discovered yet another song that makes me cry.
4 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

"She's maimed by your pain..." [17 Mar 2004|02:38am]
[ mood | crushed ]

Gawd...how many times can my heart break before it is beyond repair? Why does so much have to hurt me...? Most of all...how come I'm not even intimidated by death, anymore?

Do I really crave it so badly?

My heart has officially been sliced, diced, minced and pureedCollapse )

13 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Grieving is believing [16 Mar 2004|09:09pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I guess the eyebrows match my general mood...Gergely and I have been broken up. So many things are hurting...I can't do anything to make him happy. Anything. I don't know what to do...I feel so helpless. I wish things could be right. I wish Gergely could be happy. I wish my sentences weren't so choppy.

9 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

"Sometimes I...I just can't face myself..." [07 Mar 2004|05:26pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Finally, an update. Sort of. I almost feel bad for not updating this journal more frequently, but it's only because I lack home internet access.

Sorrow hangs over me like a gossamer veil, today...I've realized I'm nothing but a destructive force to those I love and care about. I'm always so afraid of possibly hurting people. I'm afraid of what will happen to them if I make the wrong choices and let them down...

Gergely, I don't love you any less. I'm sorry. I failed you...I'm hurting so much because I let you down. You aren't being selfish, you've just been hurt. No matter what, there's nothing you could possibly do that I couldn't forgive. Please...forgive me.

2 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Yeah. "Your friend". [22 Feb 2004|06:33pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Slainvampire: hello
A6370J1266: 'Ey
Slainvampire: how are you?
A6370J1266: Hungry
Slainvampire: haha
A6370J1266: Anyway.
A6370J1266: "Incurable disease on the day of rest
walking on water in a sea of incest..."

I love Christian Death :)
Slainvampire: yes
A6370J1266: So
A6370J1266: State your business
Slainvampire: huh?
A6370J1266: Did you IM me for a reason, or just to chat?
Slainvampire: to chat
A6370J1266: Mmkay

A6370J1266: Just curious
Slainvampire: my friend got on last night and said something about cradls of filth is goth?
Slainvampire: they arent
Slainvampire: he is very slow
A6370J1266: Observe
Slainvampire: excuse his arrogence
Slainvampire: he fucked up this time
A6370J1266: Ah, okay :-P
Slainvampire: yea
Slainvampire: he thinks everything is goth
Slainvampire: but he is wrong
A6370J1266: Well, I'm a genre nazi.
Slainvampire: ok
Slainvampire: im going to change my password now
A6370J1266: Good idea :-P
Slainvampire: yes
A6370J1266: So
A6370J1266: What music do you like?
Slainvampire: i actually like goth
Slainvampire: christian death, bauhaus ect..
Slainvampire: you?
A6370J1266: Anything that pleases the ears. London fter Midnight, Death in June, Rasputina, Love and Rockets, Siouxsie, Bella Morte, Psychic TV, Einstürzende Neubauten, etc.
Slainvampire: yes
A6370J1266: What Christian Death songs do you like? (Listening to them right now...I'm kind of on a Christian Death high at the moment :-P)
Slainvampire: i like...

(insert 5 minute wait)

Slainvampire: death wish, death in detroit, and mother are my favorite songs
A6370J1266: "Mother" is sad :(
Slainvampire: yours?
Slainvampire: yes it is
A6370J1266: "Romeo's Distress", "Figurative Theatre", "Dogs", "Sleepwalk", "Electra Descending", "Spiritual Cramp", "Desperate Hell", etc...
A6370J1266: I haven't really met any I didn't like, just some more than others
Slainvampire: yea
Slainvampire: i have to go
Slainvampire: bye
A6370J1266: bye
Slainvampire signed off at 6:30 PM

In other news, I'm still urinating blood. I'm guessing that can't be good. Off to the doctor with me, tomorrow.

7 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Eeew. [21 Feb 2004|06:30pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Slainvampire: cradle of filth is goth
A6370J1266: No, they are not.
A6370J1266: They are cheesy black metal
Slainvampire: no they are not
Slainvampire: they are goth
A6370J1266: Do you know any other goth bands?
Slainvampire: emperor,drams in fear
Slainvampire: etc...
Slainvampire: dreams*
A6370J1266: See, those aren't goth bands either...if you listen to bands like Bauhaus and Christian Death and compare them to those bands, you'll hear quite a difference
Slainvampire: ok
Slainvampire: do you know who dreams in fear is?
A6370J1266: Actually, if you like Cradle of Filth and Emperor, you probably wouldn't like goth music at all
A6370J1266: and I've heard a couple Dreams in Fear songs...enough to form an opinion.
Slainvampire: ok
Slainvampire: cradle of filth is goth metal
A6370J1266: No such genre.
Slainvampire: yes there is
A6370J1266: Prove it.
Slainvampire: i have to go argue later
A6370J1266: www.deathrock.com
Slainvampire signed off at 6:29 PM

All I can say is...*handforeheadstaple*

4 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Um..."title". [21 Feb 2004|02:34pm]
[ mood | drained ]

Yes! My (belated) birthday CD's finally came!

Psycho Magnet - London After Midnight
Selected Scenes from the End of the World - London After Midnight
Catastrophe Ballet - Christian Death (The more I listen to this, the more I wonder why people dislike Valor so much...he wrote the music)
Only Theatre of Pain - Christian Death
Where Shadows Lie - Bella Morte

I know most of you probably already own these albums, but down here in Florida (especially in the suburbs of Cape Coral) it's hard to come by good stuff like this. Damn you northerners and your precious Newbury Comics!

I went to Bell Tower last night, but it was a rather slow night. I wasn't feeling well either, I thought I was going to pass out. I got better after I drank a huge glass of water, though. =) I was probably just dehydrated and hungry, although I didn't feel hungry at the time.

After I got home, I went to pee and there was blood. =O I know it's not my period being early (if anything, my period is always late). So...I'm going to see a pediatrician. I doubt it's anything serious, but it's better to play it safe.

I think I'll go drink like a horse now. =P

6 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

I need a head doctor. [14 Feb 2004|11:23am]
[ mood | confused ]

I really need someone to analyze my dreams before I go insane...

After last night, I'm pretty sure my nightmares crossed the line into "night terrors". I'm my dream I was at school, only it was much bigger. I think it started out in the (much larger and more crowded) courtyard. Raymond and Susan were sitting where I normally sit. Somehow, I found myself inside the school, and some woman asked me to find Raymond. I remember the halls and stairways being larger than life and always crowded. She never said why I was supposed to find him, or if she did say why, I forgot. I remember it was important, though...something about the end of the world?

So I go through several crowded hallways and down several winding flights of stairs, and I get outside to find out that I'm in my own backyard. For some reason, Adam and Jordan were there (they're two bus friends), and they told me that Raymond was around front. So I snuck up to the corner of the house, and Adam tackled me to the ground, but not in a rough or mean sort of way. It was almost affectionate, actually. We rolled on the grass about 3 times, and then Raymond noticed me. I got up and walked towards him through the plants (I guess walking on the grass never occured to me), and Raymond was with some random, fat spooky chick.

Me: "What are you doing?"
Raymond: "I'm going to fuck my daughter"

They both looked so mean...well, maybe not mean, really, but they were staring me down, so I turned around and walked (quite clumsily) back through the plants. That's when I noticed Raymond was headed straight for Adam, who was hiding in the bushes. He was running like Jack Skellington ran in The Nightmare Before Christmas, with big long strides. I was pretty sure he intended to hurt Adam, so I ran in front of him and kicked Raymond away. The impact sent me to the grass, and then Raymond ran straight for Adam again, and I could tell he was going to get there before me...and that's when I blanked out.

The next thing I remember was being in my back yard again, only it looked as if a storm had ravaged everything. I was collecting what sentimental items I could find scattered around the yard, and I thought about going around to the front of the house to see if maybe Raymond had left anything behind. I became upset when I looked around and realized I was completely alone. It was right then that I woke up.

As soon as I realized it was only a nightmare, I immediately wondered whether I should call Raymond just to have him confirm whether or not he truly hates me. But then reality kicked in, and I realized that would probably be a really bad idea.

Heh. Happy Frikin' Valentine's Day.

14 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Ooooh...scary. >=D [12 Feb 2004|08:28pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Evanesancefan04: asl?
A6370J1266: You first.
Evanesancefan04: 15/m/fl
Evanesancefan04: I saw your post about gothic people
A6370J1266: Which one?
A6370J1266: 16/f/fl
Evanesancefan04: "" Goth's, Hel the city is under attack, We need your help!"
A6370J1266: Ah, that one
Evanesancefan04: Uh, Yeah sure, Are you goth?
A6370J1266: No. I post on the goth board, am active in the subculture, listen to the music, etc. I'm definitely not goth. :-P
Evanesancefan04: well then, I dont know
Evanesancefan04: And just to let you know, I am ....
A6370J1266: :-P
Evanesancefan04: simpleplanman04, And You said I scared you, And I did not mean to so, Now it is time for me to be on my way, Sit in my corner and watch you go play
A6370J1266: When did I say you "scared" me?
Evanesancefan04: when i left that away message
Evanesancefan04: About bodies bye
A6370J1266: I don't recall
Evanesancefan04: Sure, Bye
A6370J1266: But it's silly to be "scared" of anyone on the 'net :-P
Evanesancefan04: I said, I am only asking for a little challenge, I want to see if you bite back, And When I bite you, I promise I will hide your body intedned to never be found
A6370J1266: Maybe someone had the same font as me?
Evanesancefan04: nope, Maybe ur sis if u have on
Evanesancefan04: bye
Evanesancefan04 signed off at 8:28 PM

Wow. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that this was that obnoxious Adam kid at my school who tried to "suck Lauren's blood".

8 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

O_O [09 Feb 2004|06:41pm]
[ mood | surprised ]

Mike wants to be my fuck-buddy...O_O

8 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Me and my social gatherings...=P [07 Feb 2004|04:58pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Last night I went to the Bell Tower (suprise, surprise, eh?). I got there early and so I hung around there by myself for about half an hour. While alone, I observed people. I noticed this one particularly pretty boy. He wasn't dressed particularly fancy or anything, but he had flawless long, sand-colored hair and wonderful bone structure in the face. Just overall nice to look at, especially since he was naturally pretty.

Continuing, I went over to the cinema where I met Jeff and Saraa. Saraa looked particularly nice, I'd never seen her in a skirt before. =) (I think I say "particularly particularly too particularly much). I showed them the pictures I had developed, and then Jeff introduced me the this guy Jason, who was more than a little bit creepy. =\ Thankfully, Jeff, Saraa and I left him to his drunkenness and went to Johnny Rockets. For some reason, Jeff was in a sour mood, which in turn, put Saraa into a sour mood. It wasn't until Emma came along that the unpleasant atmosphere lifted.

After that, it was back to the cinema, where we met up with a whole shit-load of people. There was Melissa, Ghost, Weasle, Pablo (with his adorable son, Gage), a girl named Stephanie who was just as short as me =), and some other people who's names I didn't ever find out. I let Ghost try on my tiara, and in a very proper pole-in-the-ass manner, he announced "I am the prettiest princess". We all went to T.G.I Fridays to eat & socialize. I entertained little Gage most of the time (he was so cute). For some reason, Jeff decided to show me that he could deep-throat a steak knife (he really could...!). He then did the same thing with a bread stick. =O

Ghost: "If you and Weasle were convincts, you two would be the most envied guys in the jailhouse."

Jeff asked me to put eyeliner on him. I tried, but I'm always afraid I'll hurt someone if I press too hard, especially if I'm unfamiliar with the product I'm using. Needless to say, I did a less than satisfactory job. =\ But hey, I tried. =)

It was after that my mom came to get me. She says she can't take me to Bell Tower for the next two Fridays because she's on call. =\ And I missed a call from Gergely! =O If you're reading this love, I miss you.

Eee...I'm feeling dizzy and weird right now. Off to bed with me. =) Adieu!

6 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Poems of Contrast [01 Feb 2004|06:45pm]
[ mood | creative ]

A Little Bit Scared

Let me inside or the monsters will get me
creatures that feed on the meat of my psyche
You're so perfect, but can't you see
the iron bars on these doors and windows
are killing tomorrow for me

Let me out of here, or these thoughts will get me
confined in my mind where I can't escape
You're just like a god, but don't you see
the way you are and the way I can't be
strangles the joy out of me

Take your hand from my heart or the cruelty will crush me
Leaving me numb where I once felt warmth
You're so rotten, I know how you see
that I go insane when you toy with my pain
and hollow is so hard to be

'Why Would You Drink Blood?'Collapse )
5 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

Shitty morning. [31 Jan 2004|01:36pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I've had such a shitty morning.

Last night I had a dream that Raymond wasn't mad at me anymore. I woke up and broke down crying. That lasted for about an hour. Look, I tried my hardest, okay? I'm sorry things didn't work the way you wanted them to, but that's no excuse to be an asshole to me and try to make my friends choose between me or you. If you had been in the same situation, you would have cracked under all the pressure. Then again, you would have been dead by now if I hadn't talked you out of blowing your brains out. I haven't said a word to you in the past two months (probably even longer), and still you insist upon trying to hurt me as much as possible. What is it? Are you mad that you weren't "the chosen one", or something? Is that why you've gone to such ridiculous lengths to be a jerk? Either way someone would have been let down, and though neither of you deserved it completely, you deserved it a lot more, and you know that. How about you just grow the fuck up and apologize, already. I already said I was sorry. It's your turn.

Yesterday morning I saw Tim walking from the center. He asked me if Raymond was in the cafeteria, though he knows I try not to pay any attention anymore. I start talking to him about other things and he completely blows me off to talk to someone else. ='( I wish I knew for sure whether Tim is my friend or not. Whenever I see him, he's so nice and friendly, and sincere. Whenever Raymond is around it's like he becomes a totally different person and he never speaks to me. If yesterday was any indication, I guess I'd better just hand over all my friends to Raymond. Tim is a nice guy...I'd hate it if he were just pretending to be my friend to avoid hurting my feelings. I would rather just know for sure. =(

I also had another dream last night that disturbed me a little. Some random guy at the movies was holding me and trying to get my bra undone, and I wasn't worried because I thought he wouldn't be able to. Then he did, and he tried to get on top of me, and all I could think was "No, I can't! Where's Gergely?". And then I woke up.

I'm ugly.
Raymond can't forgive.
Most of my "friends"...aren't.
If I don't like someone, chances are I either don't know them, or I just hate them.

I want to die.

6 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

*le sigh* [28 Jan 2004|05:25pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

My beautiful Gergely. =) I love you.

6 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

=D [26 Jan 2004|04:21pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

White streaks!

29 acts of the ultraviolent - Do you viddy what I viddy?

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