Emily (smalldoll) wrote,
Emily
smalldoll

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"She's maimed by your pain..."

Gawd...how many times can my heart break before it is beyond repair? Why does so much have to hurt me...? Most of all...how come I'm not even intimidated by death, anymore?

Do I really crave it so badly?

violent plan: hi
GlassgothEmily: Ahoy :-)
violent plan: whats up lovely
GlassgothEmily: I miss Ghost :-\
GlassgothEmily: and the little scratch marks he left on my back...
violent plan: did you two... ?
GlassgothEmily: We fooled around :-P
violent plan: dont loose yourself to him.
violent plan: Seriously..
violent plan: I beg you.
GlassgothEmily: Why?
violent plan: ...
violent plan: just trust me
GlassgothEmily: Not that I'm planning to anytime soon
violent plan: yea but if you do
violent plan: make sure it's at least 3 months later
violent plan: just trust me. i love you so much.
GlassgothEmily: Well, now I'm curious...
violent plan: well I cant
violent plan: I promised I wouldnt.
violent plan: as much as I dont like Ghost I just cant.
violent plan: and don't bring it up
GlassgothEmily: Er...okay
violent plan: to him
GlassgothEmily: The suspense is killing me now
violent plan: lmao
violent plan: ugh I'm sorry.
violent plan: I wish I could.
violent plan: You do know that ghost is borderline alcoholic though dont you?
GlassgothEmily: yes
violent plan: k
violent plan: that has nothing to do with what I know, just to let you know
violent plan: i was just asking if you knew that heh
GlassgothEmily: Does this have anything to do with a party not too long ago?
violent plan: nope
violent plan: nothing happened at that stupid party
violent plan: except drunken highness
GlassgothEmily: his ex-fiancé?
violent plan: who?
violent plan: I mean what's her name
violent plan: Jen or whatever?
GlassgothEmily: Jen?
violent plan: nop
violent plan: e
GlassgothEmily: Gah. Well if you can't tell me, who might?
violent plan: blah hold on
violent plan: ok
violent plan: Jeff is living with me again. So he's here.
violent plan: And he's going to tell you what he knows. And then I'm going to tell you what I know.
GlassgothEmily: okay
violent plan: Is there any way you can call us?
violent plan: ?
violent plan: Emily?
violent plan: Hullooo?
GlassgothEmily: I'm here
violent plan: ok babe
GlassgothEmily: sorry, didn't hear the "bing"
violent plan: lol its ok
violent plan: can you call me?
GlassgothEmily: Not right now
violent plan: why
GlassgothEmily: 'cause I'm not at my own house
violent plan: oh
GlassgothEmily: (grandma's)
violent plan: ok
violent plan: well I'll tell you what I know and then I'll have Jeff come here
GlassgothEmily: okay
violent plan: I do ask you of this, though..
violent plan: If you must tell Ghost what I tell you, please either don't say it came from me or if you do then don't make me look like an ass. Just say I told you because I love you and I thought you should know.
violent plan: ok?
GlassgothEmily: I know.
GlassgothEmily: okay
violent plan: thank you
violent plan: ok
violent plan: Last friday
violent plan: When we were all at the mall before anyone picked you up
violent plan: Ghost was hangin around this girl Sam
violent plan: I know her best friend Brittany
violent plan: she's a friend of mine and a really good friend of the girl who I was hangin around with, Tina.
violent plan: So for the entire 2 hours (im estimating) that they were hangin around.. they were huggin and cuddlin and kissin.
GlassgothEmily: Yes, Ghost told me
violent plan: So when me and Tina took the bus.. Brittany so happened to be taking the same one. So I asked
violent plan: what was up with that
violent plan: and brittany told me that him and her have been like that for a long time
GlassgothEmily: As he put it, it was a close friends type thing
violent plan: no i dont think so
violent plan: cause they were all up in the corner
violent plan: and yea its not the type of kiss you give a friend
violent plan: you dont french kiss your friends..
violent plan: but anyway
violent plan: so Brittany says that he is supposedly planning on dumping you and she is gonna dump her bf and be together.
violent plan: im not telling you this to hurt you or break you guys up
violent plan: because Jeff is here to back me up and you know he would never do that
violent plan: he's friends with Ghost
violent plan: Are you mad at me?
GlassgothEmily: Of course not
violent plan: i really hope you dont think im trying to break you guys up because im not
GlassgothEmily: It just makes little sense to me
violent plan: whys that
GlassgothEmily: well, it seems silly to ask someone out if you're just going to break up with them so soon after, you know?
violent plan: well from what brittany said they hadnt seen each other for a while
violent plan: and they just reunited that night.. or sometime around that time
violent plan: like sometime that week i guess
violent plan: i dunno
violent plan: anyway i'll get Jeff
violent plan: What Jeff knows was directly from Ghost so..
violent plan: maybe that will make more sense. I just told you what I was told from the best friend of that girl so.. i dunno
violent plan: heres jeff
GlassgothEmily: kay
violent plan: hey hun
GlassgothEmily: Hi
violent plan: this sucks
violent plan: i feel bad
violent plan: i kinda feel like i am betraying one friend for another
violent plan: but do you know who Sam is
GlassgothEmily: yes
violent plan: that blonde chic that was with Melissa whatever day that we were all at cancers
GlassgothEmily: yeah
violent plan: anyway i think friday it was, ghost told me that he kissed her....and Sunday when i saw him at work he mentioned breaking up with you...but he said it was cuz he didnt want a sexual relationship
GlassgothEmily: He did no such thing
GlassgothEmily: that I'm aware of
violent plan: see he told me that he didnt think it was wrong that he kissed her because he doesnt consider that cheatin
violent plan: hunny he told me this with his own word
violent plan: words**
violent plan: why would i lie about this
GlassgothEmily: you wouldn't
violent plan: i dont even want to tell you this
GlassgothEmily: I would have just liked to know from him
violent plan: i know
violent plan: but i dontthink he would tell you
violent plan: i dont think he would leave you for Sam
violent plan: but before you and him hooked up, he was kissin on her a lot, and he told me that he liked her
violent plan: but as soon as she wasnt around much, he turned his attention to you
violent plan: i am not sayin that ghost is a bad guy...i still liike the man...but i thought that you should know about this
violent plan: Brittany one of Sam's friends told Saraa about him kissing sam
violent plan: and Saraa told me about it...but i had already heard it from Ghost t hat he had done it
violent plan: just a secnd ago, Saraa asked me if she should tell you...and i told her not to at first...cuz i dont want you gettin hurt
violent plan: i mean, i was the one that made sure ghost had your numberr, and the he was going to call you before you two started dating
violent plan: so i feel any bad that may come between you and him would be kinda my fault
GlassgothEmily: Don't worry about it
GlassgothEmily: I feel sick
violent plan: god sweetie
violent plan: how do you expect me nt to worry about it
GlassgothEmily: I can't stop shaking
violent plan: Melissa wants to talk to me on the phone...brb hun
GlassgothEmily: kay
violent plan: Did you tell Melissa?
GlassgothEmily: I haven't talked with her
violent plan: oh
violent plan: cause she NEVER calls my cell
violent plan: brb
GlassgothEmily: kay
violent plan: hey its Jeff again...
violent plan: tellme what yourr thinking about
GlassgothEmily: I can't stop shaking
violent plan: do u really like him that much?
GlassgothEmily: Yes...I broke up with Gergely for him...
violent plan: omg i feel so bad
GlassgothEmily: I thought things would turn out right for once
GlassgothEmily: Guess I got what I deserved...
violent plan: me and melissa talk about making sure that ghost and u didnt get together before toy guys ever started talking, we were both fearful of what hemay do
violent plan: but we saw how happy he made you so we left it alone
violent plan: and no
violent plan: you dont deserve this hun
violent plan: u are an awesme person and deserve so much better
GlassgothEmily: What is all this about a "sexual relationship"? He came on to me...
violent plan: that not what he said
violent plan: god ihate this shit
GlassgothEmily: So suddenly I'm bad for enjoying it?
violent plan: no
violent plan: your not
violent plan: i dont think ghost knows what he wants
violent plan: should i have not said anything aabout this? cuz i dontknowwhat to thinkaboutit now
GlassgothEmily: It's okay
violent plan: well, the way i saw it, was i can betray you and be quiet....or i can betray him and tell you
GlassgothEmily: *hug*
violent plan: *hugs back*
violent plan: even tho i see him more i consider you a closeer friend
violent plan: like i told you
violent plan: i knda see you like a little sister
violent plan: this upsets me
violent plan: i wanted to talk to u about it that day at cancers
violent plan: but i was in no mental state to talk about anything
GlassgothEmily: Yeah, I noticed
violent plan: being as deprived of sleepas i was
violent plan: even a blind man could have
violent plan: i dont know what you next step is...but whatever you decide to do i will support you 100%
GlassgothEmily: Eh...I hope not. My next step could be a bottle of pills
violent plan: unless it brings bodily harm to you
violent plan: ok yeah, no
violent plan: you do that and i would have to become MAJORLY depressed
GlassgothEmily: I wouldn't
GlassgothEmily: it's the coward's way out
violent plan: i am already fight depression...that last thing i need is for you to OD
violent plan: self-multalation probably is as well, but.....anyway
violent plan: would it be safe to assume that you will not be appearing at the bell tower friday night
GlassgothEmily: I'll probably be there
violent plan: i shall not
GlassgothEmily: :-(
violent plan: that whole job thing
GlassgothEmily: ah
violent plan: wont get off until after 11pm methinks
violent plan: i have to use the little goth's room....brb ;-)
GlassgothEmily: kay
violent plan: back
violent plan: anyway
violent plan: care to talkabout how your feeling
GlassgothEmily: I deserved it
violent plan: why do i say that
GlassgothEmily: for what I did to Gergely...
violent plan: hmmmm...and what exactly did u do to him if i may ask
GlassgothEmily: I broke up with him for Ghost
violent plan: ok
violent plan: and were you in love with Greg
GlassgothEmily: Very much so...
violent plan: did he love you
GlassgothEmily: more than anything
violent plan: so what was missing
GlassgothEmily: The distance was the problem
violent plan: was there anyting else that put a strain on the two of you?
GlassgothEmily: the fact that I was very attracted to Ghost...
violent plan: and of late, how often was Greg calling you
GlassgothEmily: I...I don't know...
GlassgothEmily: long enough to make me cry
violent plan: ok
violent plan: so maybe that was causing a problem as well?
GlassgothEmily: I don't know
violent plan: ok
GlassgothEmily: I only cried because I felt like I'd ruined his life
GlassgothEmily: and here he is now being my shoulder to cry on and telling me that he hopes things will be okay...
violent plan: well, what i see, and correct me if i am wrong..you 16...you needed more than want an onlie boyfriend could give you...even if u love /loved him...so you took a chance with someone you were acttracted to
violent plan: you really should not take relationships to seruous right now
GlassgothEmily: I don't try to
GlassgothEmily: It just sort of turns out that way
violent plan: i know exactly where you are coming from
GlassgothEmily: Actually...I take all relationships seriously, including friendships
violent plan: i didnt want things to get to serious with me and Sabrina
violent plan: and look what i did
violent plan: i tend to not trus my friends much...i usually get backstabbed, of do something stupid to piss them off
violent plan: trust**
GlassgothEmily: brb
violent plan: okies
GlassgothEmily: Wow...after puking a few times, the toilet bowl starts to feel very cool and refreshing...
violent plan: omg...did u did that on purposes?
GlassgothEmily: No
violent plan: mmkay i cant spell
violent plan: ok
violent plan: cuz i know what it feeels like to puke from nerves
GlassgothEmily: That was it
violent plan: i almost puked like 5 times the night Cara went to the ER
GlassgothEmily: Hey
violent plan: yesh
GlassgothEmily: I'd appreciate it if you or Saraa don't mention any of this to Ghost, or anyone who might tell him
violent plan: mmkay, i almost didnt tell you...you think i am going to walk up to ghost...and be like....hey, yeah just told you girlfriend that you were kissing another chic that you almost dated before her...oh yeah and you dont wanna date her cuz you dont want sex
violent plan: anyway
GlassgothEmily: Heh...ironically, I'm deathly afraid of sex
violent plan: of cousre i wouldnt talkt o him about htis
violent plan: you know what
violent plan: YOU SHOULD BE
violent plan: sex causes disease, stalkers, rapists, children having children...yeah sex is bad
violent plan: not only that, i have totally misused sex since i started
violent plan: andi ahve only been doing it 3 years
violent plan: anyway
GlassgothEmily: Yeah...I don't want him knowing that I even have so much as an inkling of what's going on...
GlassgothEmily: It would be harder for him to lie to me if I caught him off guard
violent plan: nothing wrong with having sex for the right reasons... like love and comitment and the emotional closness
violent plan: o
violent plan: ok
violent plan: so how do u planon going about this then
GlassgothEmily: Next time I see him I'll just ask him
violent plan: ok
violent plan: what are you goiing to say?
GlassgothEmily: I don't think I could do that without dropping names, though
GlassgothEmily: he'd figure out it was you guys who told me
violent plan: :-(
violent plan: i think melissa mightt or might not know
violent plan: i know i havent told her
violent plan: this is going to cause MAJOR problems
GlassgothEmily: I'm not going to make a big thing out of it
GlassgothEmily: or I'll try not to
violent plan: then again, it may be what he was hoping for to begin with
violent plan: he may have kissed herr, and told me, knowing that i would run to you
violent plan: maybe only i am that devious
violent plan: i dont know
GlassgothEmily: If I have an idea of what's going on, I'll be able to see right through people
violent plan: i honestly dont know how he is going to react...all i know, when i saw him at work sunday...he seemed stressed and a little depressed
violent plan: what do u think iss going on?
violent plan: dont keep me in the dark hunn
GlassgothEmily: I don't know
violent plan: ok......nnow i am confused
GlassgothEmily: If what you have told me is true, then he is either really confused or an exceptional liar
violent plan: well i know he is a good liar...and a cpmplusive one at that
GlassgothEmily: and he had the nerve to ask me for gas money...hah!
violent plan: i have caught him lying about the smallest things...and just by adding small details to stories to make them seem,more important
violent plan: well that seems like ghost too
violent plan: some how i dont seem ghost and i being friends after this
violent plan: tho i can not say that it would be a total loss
GlassgothEmily: I don't wanna be Yoko breaking up the band, here...
violent plan: but at the sametime, i would miss him...interesting how he sucks people in
violent plan: lol
violent plan: no
violent plan: the whole, i will give you a ride home, or to hannahs, or to cape coral, when i was CLEARLY distrught, emotionally and physically exausted, not to mention driving you home after drinking, ad then losing my work shirt
violent plan: that kinda makes me nt wanna be around him much
violent plan: and then theres that whole, "lets see who i can scam for gas money" (his words notmine) thing
GlassgothEmily: If he was so "emotionally distraut", he should have kept his hand out of my panties.
violent plan: I was distraut not him
violent plan: think i worded that wrong
violent plan: remember how carzy was acting Saturday
GlassgothEmily: Eh?
violent plan: cuz i hadnt had any sleep
GlassgothEmily: yes
violent plan: and i had walked an hour after work the wrong way
GlassgothEmily: yes
violent plan: yeah i was pissed cuz i was clearly disstrressed, and ghost dragged me out to Cnacers when i was beggin to go to saraa;s to sleep
GlassgothEmily: I wasn't happy about that
violent plan: YOU werent happy
GlassgothEmily: I didn't want to go, either
violent plan: i was crying my eyes out in the back of his car for like 10 mins cuz i wanted to sleep,
violent plan: yeah
violent plan: i could tell you didnt really wanna be there
GlassgothEmily: Not so much that as Ghost drinking
violent plan: and when he picked op the bottle of Capt Morrgans, you REALLY werent happy
violent plan: beat me to it :P
violent plan: i was just trying to type that
violent plan: yeah iwasnt happy about that either
violent plan: and to top it all off we got to smell like a bong from al the pot smoke
violent plan: i am so sorry Emily
violent plan: i should have warned you about Ghost
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